Real Life Humor – Spa day?

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Real Life Humor – Spa day? 5.00/5 (100.00%) 4 votes

Okay thought you all probably could use a humor break from Politics! So here is a little “Real Life” Humor from my day today, to help cheer you through your day today!

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Yes that is my wife Sandi toweling off after Church. Yes I said “After Church” I would have loved to have taken a better picure but let me assure you the other side of her hair is still totally soaked and so are her clothes from head to toe… And that purse sitting right there…. I’m pretty sure it probably has a LOT of water in it. How do I know this because I personally rescued it. So what just happened…? I will tell you! Sit down, relax and get ready for some belly laughs because here we go….

Okay soooo I know this will be hard to believe BUT… It’s the Gods honest TRUTH. Would I lie to you after leaving Church?

So…. Because we cannot hand wash the Hummer here due to the freezing temperatures….  And the end result would instantly turn our driveway into an ice rink… We decide today to take it through the car wash…shall we call that ah… “Mistake #1″.

Yes… That is correct. We just found GM design flaw #67. Aside from discovering the hood release latch is identical to, and strategically placed next to the emergency release latch, you have a 50/50 chance of either releasing the brake or popping the hood. Secondly… the windows are chopped down…. So that when you drop the sun visor, you effectively block pretty much 100% of your forward view… Ah you say BUT you can still see around the right end by the mirror if you REALLY need to, right? Well yes, technically so, unless you pull the little panel they added to the visor out to the right so you can also cover THAT last area of visibility… I have to ask myself… What were they thinking?  And well there are more I could go into but for the sake of today, lets remain on track.

I have never taken this vehicle through a car wash, Ever. So here’s how it goes… GM decided to create this awesome automatic sunroof that does indeed SEAL when closed to wind and such… However… Water can get through but it goes into this nifty catch pan which has drain lines that lead OUT to behind the front wheels. But we always have known they are too small and always must be kept clean and unblocked. And HERE’s where our NEW experience starts for today…

As we Enter the wash, we first notice a little soap foam suddenly appear just between the headliner and  in front of the sunroof… A quick wipe, problem resolved…

Then suddenly more and more, and now we are getting soap bombed… Its now coming through in WADS…. But hey.. no worries… The soap has stopped… Now comes the nice pleasant brushes… We get a good giggle and all is well…

“Well”, that is until the the high PSI water jets kick on that is… Now with the drain-lines clogged with soap, we are suddenly getting hammered with water and we now have a literal RIVER… Or shall I say.. “indoor waterfall’ soaking us both!!

With Nowhere to run, nowhere to hide! and ready to scream “Jaaaaaane stop this CRAZY machine”!!!! We are getting pounded  with torrential water spouts!

Ahhhh but thank God the car has NOW moved into the monsoon blower stage… And in the blink of an eye, suddenly we are NOW GETTING HAMMERED with WIND, WATER AND SOAP. Sandi yells “I think the sunroof is open”! It was LOUD and as all hell was breaking loose….  I think, hmmm, maybe she is right.

And…. Here’s where it ALL goes horribly horribly WRONG.

If you thought it WAS bad… Well Let ME tell YOU just what “bad” is.

Now GM decided to make our lives easier with “one touch” functionally… So.. quick thinking as I am I hit the button to make SURE the sunroof is closed tight… right?

But a funny thing happened… I’ll be damned if that sunroof didn’t just KICK INTO GEAR and head backwards…. AND That’s about when all HELL broke loose… Do you HAVE ANY IDEA AT ALL… How powerful those blowers actually ARE?? WE LOOKED LIKE a PARACHUTERS who just opened their mouth! Shit was literally flying everywhere…

The glove box BLEW open, the console lid was banging like something POSSESSED was trying to ESCAPE.. Water, soap and wind was spraying everywhere…

I was able to regain control of the roof as we neared the exit…

The light changed from red to green as the beast spit us out…

As we rolled to a slow stop… The kid at the end just looked at us in stunned silence… Covered in soap… Hair sticking out every which way and soaked to the bone… I rolled down my window…

I motioned the kid to come closer…

He did…

And I say, “there will be no tip for you today”…

I roll the window up and as the kid backs slowly away from the car, eyes never blinking, I drop it into gear and slowly depart…

I can see the kid still standing there jaw agape and staring at us as we depart and go out of site…

But as we drove off we were both laughing SO hard we were literally crying….

So that’s my day… how was yours?

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robg

robg

Freelance writer and a lifelong Washington Native. Robs articles will generally reflect a Moniker of Robbie G, in honor of his late Uncle “Doc”, who raised him for his first year of life. He credits his writing skill to two very different, and very determined Creative Writing professors at both Bellevue Community College and Seattle University. His career placed him in organizations such as Honeywell Aerospace, Paul Alan's Experience Music Project, Boeing Aerospace, and Microsoft. When not running or Mountain biking, he’s usually, charting and stock trading. Rob and his wife Sandi love traveling, snowshoeing in the winter and Geo cache outings in the summer.





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